


butterfly and braveheart

by leiajedi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-19 12:22:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22644841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiajedi/pseuds/leiajedi
Summary: Finn is left alone with his thoughts for too long.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	butterfly and braveheart

Finn was looking at the ceiling for way too long, and the room started to feel too little for him. His head was so full of thoughts he felt like it was about to explode. He knew he didn't belong to that place, he wasn't one of the good guys. The memories he had from his time with the First Order kept tormenting him. All that blood, all that violence.. he hated all of it. It made him sick. He wanted to cancel everything and start over, because he thought no one was gonna accept him if they knew about his past. Too much different emotions were inside of him in that moment, and he didn't know how to let them out. He couldn't even cry, for some reason. He just felt nothing, but too much at the same time. He looked outside the window, and noticed how many stars there were in the sky that night. He wished he was one of them, just a star in the sky, one that gets lost in the galaxy. He wished he was far away from everyone and all of his problems. But he had to face the reality of the facts, even though it was the last thing he wanted. He looked away from the window and started looking at the room he was in. It was a lost look, similar to the look you see in a kid's eyes when they lose their mother in a big place. Finn always felt lost, like he didn't belong anywhere, and when he actually had found a place where he could stay, a place with people that he could have called a family, he still didn't feel like that was his place in the world. He kept thinking "My past is gonna ruin everything anyway, I shouldn't get too attached to this people." Even though he knew he already failed. He did get attached to someone named Poe Dameron, but he couldn't help himself, if it wasn't for him, he would still be fighting on the wrong side. The first time he saw Poe he felt something inside of him that was completely new. It was probably because of how kind and generous he was with him, afterall no one ever treated him like that. And the more he stayed with him, the more he realized how many things he loved about him. "Is 'love' the right word, though?" He kept asking himself. He didn't know what love was, he never felt it, so he didn't actually know what his feelings for Poe were. He was kinda scared about that. What if Poe doesn't feel the same about him? He wasn't sure about how love works, or where's the line between friendship and relationship, but he knew that love must be mutual, that was the only way. Finn was afraid he would have to stop loving Poe. It was.. impossible. He couldn't even think about it. Since he was a child, he has always felt like there was a hole inside of him. Just big, empty black hole, but from the moment he first met Poe, that hole started to fill himself, piece by piece, and now Finn finally feels complete. He feels like he finally is a real person. Not just a soldier, or a machine designed for war.  
"Finn, buddy, is everything allright?" Suddenly, a voice he knew too well interruoted the fluss of thoughts in his brain.  
"Poe-" he wiped a tear away from his cheek and turned around. "Hey. Everything's fine, sure, why'd you ask?" He smiled. Or at least, he tried. Poe entered in the room, and he sit next to Finn.  
"I haven't seen you the whole day and I was" he stopped for a second. "I was worried."  
"I'm here, there's no need to worry." He looked Poe in the eyes and suddenly tons of butterflies started to fly in his stomach where once there only was a black hole. In that moment, he gave himself an answer. 'Yes, love is the right word' he thought, but nothing came out of his mouth.  
Poe smiled, and put his hand of Finn's shoulder. "Sure you're allright? You look sad."  
"I just.. have a lot in my mind at the moment." Finn answered.  
"You wanna tell me?" Poe moved a little bit closer to him.  
"I don't wanna bother you with my stupid thoughts." It was true. They were in the middle of a war, and the only thing Finn thought about was his personal problems. It sounded so selfish and stupid.  
Poe was looking at him straight in the eyes with a worried face. "Please, Finn, don't lock your emotions." He put an arm around Finn's shoulders, and without any second thoughts Finn laid his head on Poe's shoulder. He started crying, and the butterflies in his stomach were now flying higher and faster. "I just.. feel so out of place. I don't deserve to be here." He tried very hard to hide the fact that he was crying. "I'm not a hero. I'm the total opposite of that. I shouldn't be here, this isn't my home." Poe held him even closer. "If I'm here, it's just thanks to you. You are the hero, the one who saved one of the enemies. You're the one that humanized me and gave me a name and a place to stay. It was you." For a moment, everything went quiet. Neither of them talked or moved, they were just looking at the floor, probably thinking about everything that Finn just said. Suddenly, Poe changed his position, and he was now looking Finn in the eyes. "Finn, listen to me." He looked sad, kinda angry too. "It wasn't me. I didn't do shit. It was you. You were the one who was brave enough to escape, and to never go back to that place, you were the one who decided that the name was okay, and it was you who decided to stay here. You did everything, I just helped a little bit. Also, you already did a lot for the Resistance, and you only have been here for a couple of months. Finn, you are an hero, whether that you acknowledge it or not. I'd trust you with my whole life, and I'm sure that a lot of people here would do the same." He said everything so fast, like if he had thought about those words for a long time. "You got it?" He said at the end. Finn's cheeks were full of tears, and Poe gently wiped out some of them. Finn felt a heat grow inside of him, and he did a little smiled when Poe's hand touched his cheek. "You are the bravest man I've ever met." Said Poe. Finn couldn't believe what he just heard. He managed to smile through the tears. It was like all the negative and dark thoughts disappeared from his mind. Like it happend in the stomach, he felt like where once only was darkness, now it was full of light, and butterflies were flying even there. He knew the dark thoughts were gonna come back someday, but he didn't really care at that moment. He wanted to feel happy for once. "Thank you" He said, and Poe answered him with an hug. Their bodies were basically glued to each other, and everything in the world seemed to work perfectly. The whole planet could have exploded in that moment, but nothing would have teared them apart.  
"Do you love me, Poe?" It came out spontaneously.  
"I- buddy.."  
"Just answer, please."  
Poe Dameron felt like he couldn't breath anymore. He wanted to say 'of course I love you, you idiot' but something was stopping him. There was a voice in his telling hin that there are a thousand ways this could go wrong, but another voice, a bit louder, said 'does he love you?" so he asked.  
"Do you?"  
Finn decided it was not the time to be a coward. Not after everything that Poe told him. "I do. Everytime we talk I feel like there are thousands of butterflies flying inside my body." He was wondering how much he crossed the line, but at the same time, he couldn't hide it anymore.  
"I do too." Poe said. Their bodies were still close to one another, but they weren't hugging anymore. Their faces were very close, and Finn felt like he was flying. They looked at each other for a time that seemed like a lifetime, and then finally their lips touched. It was soft, and it didn't last much, but it was the best feeling in the world. For the first time in their lives, everything was calm.  
"I love you, braveheart." Poe whispered.  
"I love you too, butterfly." Finn smiled. Their forheads were touching, and they both felt like they could never be hurted anymore.


End file.
